When I'm Ready To Accept
by Waiting To Be Broken
Summary: Remember Jack's reaction to Ianto's declaration of love in CoE? This is me, making up a background story and explaining why Jack didn't take it well  apart from the obvious reason  No spoilers, but if you've seen CoE you'll understand it better.


I've been reading a lot of Torchwood's fics lately and I even made up my own CoE fix-it, which will never see the light of the day. This, however, is decent enough to be published. And, no, before you ask I'm and never will be a dick that goes around and kills their characters i.e. I'm not RTD. Enjoy!

When I'm Ready To Accept

"I love you," Jack whispered as he planted butterfly kisses on his lover's shoulders.

"Don't," murmured Ianto in an answer, stroking the older man's cheek with his thumb. They had just finished one round of the most amazing, mind-blowing sex and were currently snuggled together. Ianto just wanted to sleep or maybe have a round two(and three, and four), not this. It hurt too much to hear the man say this and to know that he didn't mean it, that he was just one of the many that had heard those words from the immortal.

"But I do, I love you so much."

The tender mouth moved toward his neck, kissing, nipping and sucking still flushed skin. Ianto shook his head, wishing the tears to go away, and instead of replying pulled the other into a kiss. As soon as their mouths connected Ianto knew that this would be unlike anything they had ever done. They didn't battle for dominance like they always did, it was slow and lingering, the older man's tongue caressing the deepest corners of the hot cavern as his hands traveled across the sinful body before him.

Ianto let him, Jack didn't go in those kind of moods often and it wasn't like the Welshmen didn't enjoy it. It was exactly on the contrary, he liked it too much. Those kisses laid gently on his face and those hands that worshipped his body, trying to find and memorise every spot that made him arch and whimper, did unbelievable things to his body and soul. Ianto reached out to touch the man before him but he was stopped. Jack took his hands in his own and kissed every knuckle before dropping them and leaned down to take one nipple in his mouth.

He sucked on it, until it reddened and swelled and then tugged on it, just for good measure. Jack looked up and his mouth watered from the sight in front of him. Ianto's eyes were glazed and half closed, thick eyelashes fluttering with every raged breath he took, his lower lip caught between his teeth and his sides painted with arousal. He had never seen something as gorgeous as that. Sure, he had been around a lot and he had been with a lot of men and women (and a few unidentified) but none of them had been able to tame the beast in him, to bring out the love, not the lust. Even now, he didn't care if he'd receive his release. His only goal was to satisfy the man in front of him, to make him wiggle in his grasp and pant. He wanted to make him lose his control and more than anything he wanted to hear that adorable babble in Welsh that usually came with it.

And soon Jack's wish came true. Ianto was trashing on the bed, so devoured in pleasure that he didn't know what to do with himself and begging Jack to stop teasing him, nearly crying when the older man just ignored him and continued to tongue-fuck his belly button. Honestly, his belly button! It should be illegal to turn something like that into one of the most erotic things Ianto had experienced.

Jack reached his member and the Welshman sighed. Yes! His cock would finally receive some desperately needed attention. He looked down with half-lidded eyes and his breath caught when he saw the pure adoration in the older man's eyes. Ianto watched with batted breath as the immortal man dipped down, his mouth so close that Ianto could feel the hot breath on his member and it made him even harder.

He was ready to cry when instead of engulfing his length, Jack bit the insides of his thigh.

"Jack, please," he whimpered, trying to push the other's head into the right direction with his leg.

"Hm? What is it Yan?" Jack asked in such an innocent voice that anyone would be fooled that he truly didn't know what he had done wrong if they hadn't seen the little smirk on his face. But Ianto saw it and growled when his lover decided that instead of waiting for an answer he could make a hickey on the other man's thigh.

"Fuck me, Jack. Please, enough with the teasing!"

"Not gonna fuck you, Yan." The immortal nuzzled his nose against his lover's hip, smiling as broken sobs left his mouth. He loved that man, loved him like he'd never loved before. And he was going to prove it to him. "Tonight, I'm gonna make love to you, cariad."

Cariad? Ianto shivered when that word caressed him. Where had Jack heard it before? Maybe he had said it, the Welshman truly didn't think what he was babbling in moments of passion. He shrugged it off as something to think about later, when the head of his lover wasn't so _close_ to his cock. Jack moved toward his member and Ianto inwardly made a happy dance. His happiness lasted for only two seconds, though, because the moment Jack bit gently on his balls, he was screaming his throat dry and having one of the most powerful orgasms in his life.

For a few moments everything was black and time and space didn't exist. There were no fake promises and no broken hearts, just Ianto and eternity of pleasure. But soon the moment was over and he found himself in the arms of his lover. Jack had settled them so they were both on their sides, Ianto's head in the crook of his neck and their limbs entwined.

"Where did you learn that?" Ianto asked, when he caught his breath. He said it without thinking and he immediately wanted to take it back. Because knowing Jack, he would probably tell him the whole story of how, when and who had showed him this and even if Ianto had never been the jealous type, talking about past lovers while being in bed with your current one had never been his thing too.

"You liked it?" A proud smile bloomed on his face. "I learned it from a... Actually, it doesn't matter"

Jack refusing to talk about previous encounters? That was new...

"Do you want me to take care of that?" Ianto murmured when, after wiggling a little to make himself comfortable, had felt the immortal's stiff erection pressed to his hip.

"Later. Let me hold you for now." Jack kissed his lover's forehead, his fingers carding through Ianto's hair. "Why is it so hard to believe me that I love you?"

The question hanged between them and made the air tense. Ianto waited for Jact to take the question back, to say he was joking, like he always did but when the immortal just continued to stare at him he ducked his head and took a deep breath.

"Why, Jack? Maybe because I'm sure that this isn't the first time you have said it nor it would be the last. Because I thought I'd accepted the fact that I'd never see you getting old and neither would you, given the job that we have. And now everything stumbles down, because you decided to give me hope that I don't want, one that I don't need, or I wished I don't. And I don't want that. I want sex to be what it used to be- a way to relieve the tension. This way, when I die, you won't hurt. You'll forget me, I know, and the pain that knowledge gives me is similiar to the one that I'd feel if someone was tearing my heart apart with a blunt knife but I welcome the pain because this means you won't feel it. That's everything I've ever wanted. I'm not sad because I don't believe you but because I know that what you are saying is true"

That was what Ianto wanted to say and he almost did before he changed his mind and instead buried his face in the other's neck.

"What do you feel about me?" insisted Jack. He had never pushed things like that. Come to think about it he had never been one to ask about feelings, he had always been for the sex without attachment thing. And in the rare moments when he had told someone he loved them he had never been the first one to do it and certainly not the only one. But, like in every other aspect, Ianto Jones was different.

"I'll tell you," Ianto whispered, before pressing their lips together. He poured every feeling he couldn't voice in that kiss, every tear he wanted to shed, every gentle cares he wanted to give. When it was over, he pressed his forehead to Jack's and continued, one single lonely tear rolling down his cheeks, "I'll tell you when I'm ready to accept that we won't be together forever. That I'll die and you will move on."


End file.
